Why I’m (more than) Okay With Being Single

It seems as if modern-day society has developed a strong disposition against the word “single.” Being single, especially as a young woman, tends to give some people the impression that something is not quite right. Well I would like to clear the air on that and say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. In fact, many of us are actually happily single. Wow, happy on our own without dependence on another person!! Who would have thought! Well let me tell you, it’s a wonderful thing and here are the many reasons why.

The first reason I am completely content with being single is that I do not take relationships lightly. In fact, I don’t really think that anyone should take relationships lightly. (No offense to anyone who has been around the block and back with their fair share of relationships, that’s just not for me.) If you don’t see yourself spending years on end with someone, I don’t really understand why you would give up a portion of your life to that person. Relationships are a wonderful thing, but also a very scary thing. You are essentially allowing yourself to grow together with another person, which results in them becoming a huge, irreplaceable part of your life. The thought of that person possibly leaving is not one I would like to entertain. If you are going to dedicate time, money, and emotional effort towards someone, it should be because you’re in it for the long-run.  Not because you think they’re cute and would be nice to have around for a few months or so.

Another reason I have grown to love being single is because I have learned to settle for nothing less than what I deserve. There is honestly no point in being in a relationship if the other person doesn’t make you happy and help you to become a better person. Everyone deserves to be with someone who treats them better than they think they deserve, jokes around with them like a best friend, protects them like a sibling, and looks at them like they put the stars in the sky. If you are willing to settle for anything less than that, you are cheating yourself of what love is truly supposed to be. I credit a lot of this mindset to my parents. 23 years is a long time to be married to someone, and they manage to make it work every single day throughout everything that life has thrown at them. They made me realize that there is so much more than the physical aspects of loving someone. You need to find someone who accepts you for who you are, who makes you feel comfortable and safe, and who is your best friend at the end of every day. (I love you both so much) My dad in specific, has taught me the importance of love. He is not just a wonderful husband to my mom but also the greatest father that I could ever imagine. He never fails to make me feel like the most loved person on the planet and always reminds me of my self-worth and how I deserve to be treated. He will always make time for me no matter how busy, and has supported me throughout everything. Because of his constant love throughout my life and the close father-daughter bond that we share, I have realized that I should not settle for anyone who loves me any less than what he constantly shows me.

Another carefree aspect of being single is not having to deal with uncertainty. And I refuse to deal with uncertainty. Of course there’s fun in the initial stages of a relationship where both people are developing crushes on each other and are too scared to be the first one to reveal their feelings. However, if you have been with someone for a few months and things are getting serious, you should never be left wondering. “Am I pretty enough for him?” “Does he look at / think about other girls?” “Does he like me as much as I like him?” Maybe I live in a fantasy world, but I’m pretty sure that if you were with the right person, you should never have to worry about these kinds of things. The right person should make sure you know how loved and appreciated you are, and could never imagine life without you. The mutual love between the two of you should be guaranteed, and you should never be left worrying about anything else. If you are worrying about those things, you’re probably not in a healthy relationship and things are not going to end well in the long run. Every single person has so much to offer, flaws and all. If someone is not willing to love you for every little thing and leaves you constantly wondering if you are good enough, news flash – it isn’t worth it.

This brings me to probably the main reason that I am happy being single. Religion needs to be the basis of my relationship. As my youth minister from home so eloquently put it, “there is a lack of young men willing to rise to their Christian potential.” When he discussed this issue, it made me realize how important it is to find a man who can agree that we should put God before each other. Not only will that mean that we can learn to love each other better, but it means that our relationship will constantly be growing and improving.  It also means that there will be a strong emotional and spiritual connection between the two of us. It will unite us in morals and beliefs, and allow for us to find more reasons to love each other. If I can’t take my boyfriend to breakfast after church or adoration on Friday afternoons, then what am I even doing? (Also honestly is there anything cuter than a cute boy at church because I really don’t think so.) A relationship built around Jesus is something so pure and unbreakable and if that means being single until I find a man like that, so be it. Unfortunately God fearing men are few and far between in college, but I have not given up hope quite yet.

Finally, I think the most important and all-encompassing thing I can say about being single is that it can really teach you how to love yourself. After 19+ years of being single, I have grown to depend on no one but myself. Sometimes I worry that it’s left me too independent. But at the same time, it’s wonderful to always feel secure and confident in myself. I mean, yes, sometimes I think about how nice it would be to have constant companionship. But I also don’t feel like I have a void that needs to be filled. I know that when I find the man God has waiting for me, it will be a bonus to my life. Not the missing part I am waiting to complete me. I wish more girls would realize that you don’t need a boy to complete you because you are strong and whole as you are. Learning to love yourself and grow as an individual is the most important thing that you can do. Cherish this time you have being single because one day you won’t ever have it again, and that’s scary and beautiful at the same time. The “young adult” stage of life involves constant change and new discoveries and a lot of uncertainty so honestly learning to figure yourself and your life out is more important than anything.

Now, none of this was meant to bash people who are in relationships. I admire and am happy for everyone who has found someone that makes them happy. Love is beautiful. It’s just that some people may meet their person at 17 and some may meet them at 27. For those of us still waiting… don’t give up hope and don’t EVER lower your expectations because you feel like there is no other option. It’s not crazy to have all sorts of expectations and standards that must be met. Rather, it’s crazy to not have these sorts of expectations. Settling for anything less than what you deserve will leave you unhappy in the long run, so it’s really not worth it. I wish more people would realize that there is someone out there who is going to find you someday and love every single thing you have to offer. So don’t settle for someone who is only interested in you for your body, or who is annoyed by your determination, or who doesn’t respect your boundaries and beliefs. Because I promise there is someone out there who will meet every single thing you’ve ever been looking for. At least, that’s what I’m holding out hope for because I refuse to settle for anything else. Plus, in the meantime, I’m doing just fine on my own.

 

 

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